What Rock Bottom Really Looked Like
Rock bottom wasn’t one moment. It was years of carrying things I didn’t know how to put down.
For years, I focused on becoming a mother—infertility treatments, IVF procedures, surgeries, medications, and the emotional and financial stress that came with them. I experienced pregnancy loss. I lost my mother. Eventually I found myself struggling not only with grief, but with who I was becoming. Rock bottom wasn’t about what had happened to me—it was about how little hope I had left for what could happen next.
When Life Became Too Heavy
In 2015, I was diagnosed with infertility and told I would likely never conceive naturally. I pursued IVF—more than 20 medical procedures, multiple surgeries, and hormone treatments over the next several years, each one bringing hope, uncertainty, and exhaustion.
In 2019, I became pregnant through IVF—a baby girl, due in January 2020. At nine weeks, we discovered there was no heartbeat. I lost my baby, and that loss stayed with me.
I continued IVF for three more years, still hoping. Then a serious allergic reaction to hormone medication sent me to the emergency room, and something inside me began to change. I started asking how much more I could take.
Grief Changed More Than I Realized
Infertility and pregnancy loss weren’t the only losses I carried. In 2017, I lost my mother to heart disease, leaving me feeling even more alone. Over time, these experiences piled on top of each other—I felt angry, lost, overwhelmed.
There was a period when the pain became so intense I questioned whether life was worth continuing. But I also knew my mother would never have wanted me to end my life that way. I wasn’t suddenly okay, but somewhere inside me, a small part still wanted to keep going.
The Decision to Take My Life Back
On November 27, 2022, I decided something had to change. I couldn’t undo the pregnancy I’d lost, bring my mother back, or erase what I’d experienced—but I could decide what to do with the life I still had.
I started with nutrition—working with a dietitian, learning about my relationship with food and mindset, and completing a 28-day medically monitored program. It wasn’t a dramatic overnight transformation; it was the beginning of learning to care for myself again.
Learning That Showing Up Matters
In January 2023, I joined EOS Fitness and worked with a personal trainer once a week for four months. It wasn’t easy—some days I struggled physically and mentally—but I kept showing up. I didn’t need to be perfect; I needed to keep taking the next step.
Then, in May 2023, I discovered Aquabike, attending classes three to four times a week alongside my nutrition work. After 90 days, I had dropped two clothing sizes, but the changes weren’t only physical—my mood, sleep, energy, and outlook began to shift. I also found something unexpected: a community.
Aquabike Became More Than a Workout
The people around me became part of my journey. I became part of what I called my “gym squad”—we encouraged, supported, and celebrated progress together. That community made a difference.
There were still difficult days, still grief to process. But I was no longer standing still—I was learning to move forward while carrying everything I had experienced.
Eventually, I reached the goals I had set with my dietitian and trainer. Then I took another step: I became an Aquabike fitness instructor and earned my certification.
What Rock Bottom Taught Me
I never imagined the woman who once felt completely lost would become a fitness instructor. My journey didn’t erase my past or make the losses disappear. Instead, it taught me I could build something new while still carrying the memories of what I had been through.
On November 27, 2022, I weighed 195 pounds. On November 27, 2025, I weighed 125 pounds. That change is meaningful, but my transformation is about far more than a number—it’s about consistency, discipline, and learning to care for myself, and realizing the first step out of rock bottom is simply deciding you’re willing to try again.
I still have battle scars and difficult days. But I also have a life that feels different from the one I once thought I was stuck in forever.
Rock bottom was real. So was the decision to climb out.
If you’re going through a difficult season of your own, you don’t have to figure out everything today. Start with one small step toward taking care of yourself, and give yourself time to see where that step can lead.
